andrewjacksonjihads:

i want someone who will sit on a rooftop with me at 3 am and shave their head while i shave my head and then hotglue the hair to the roof so the roof will have hair

mcdolands:

Me: “dad am i adopted?”
Dad:no, ur David. why woud anyone name you ‘Adopted’? even if we wanted to, ur name was alredy David when we adopted you

me: haha hey guys do u dare me to eat this whole thing of ice cream
them: no
me: *shaking my head and chuckling* i cant believe you guys are making me do this
them: we're not
me: *eating right out of the thing* this is so wild you guys you're so fucked up for making me do this

elicrotch:

v0ciferation:

checks grades

*bastille voice* how am i gonna be an optimist about this

well if you close your eyes

bravedad:

i wonder how many people i’m in the “i’d be down if you asked” zone with

girl: we finish each others s-
guy: ocialism

hopeissuffering:

fuzzykitty01:

orangewave:

bakamic:

izzy-sukeban-jones:

if you cut the tip off, how do you seal it when you save it for later?

^^^ Seriously. How do you store it after you open it?

Step one: step two: 

Y’all need Jesus. 

or even more easy way?

step 1

bestfunny:

literallysame:

I hate this website so much